When to flirt:
- Are they in a group of people engaged in casual conversation? Flirt away! Don’t interrupt what’s going on, and if things look serious it’s best to wait till later but if everyone looks happy and casual go for it!
- Are they alone and maybe doing something but not very engaged in what they’re doing? Talk to them! If they’re working on something but they keep putting it down and looking out of a window or around the room it’s probably not something too terribly important.
- Are they doing something casually like shopping, eating, or hanging out somewhere? Go for it! If they look hurried or rushed it’s probably not a good time.
- Are they doing absolutely nothing? Maybe waiting for a bus or just killing time? Strike up a conversation, they’re probably really bored anyway.When not to flirt:
- Are you in a car? No don’t do it
- Are you across the street from them and don’t feel like crossing the street? No.
- Basically if you’re yelling to do it, don’t do it.
- Do they look really busy with something and is it something you can help them with? approach with caution
- Do they look really busy with something and it’s not something you can help them with? Don’t bother them
- When you talk to them are they avoiding eye contact, pointedly looking for an escape route, replying in short replies, and using body language like leaning away or crossing the arms? Go away.
- Are they in an enclosed space where the literally cannot get away from you? Don’t do it.
- If they are involved in any kind of customer service, where they are required to be nice to you, don’t do it.
- Never touch them unless you know them well and you ask first.
- If they say they need to leave or you need to leave let them do it and don’t complain.
- All it should take is one no. Don’t keep asking to do something. Just take the first no and go. Even if it’s a subtle “not right now” or anything like that leave it be.
If you see someone who is displaying the body language like number 6, go help them out by distracting the person trying to talk to them. They will probably be super grateful.
Now how do you actually flirt?
TALK TO THEM! It really is that simple. Here are some ideas to get you started
- Compliment them on their clothes or hair, but not their breasts or butt. Don’t objectify them. Do this if you really just want to make them feel good and start conversation.
- Help them with something. Hold open doors, pick up dropped things. But keep boundaries in mind, don’t use this as an excuse to touch them and don’t follow them around doing things for them.
- Point out something you have in common. Are they knitting when you knit? Do they have a super awesome t-shirt of a band or show you like? Are they reading a book or playing a game you like? Do they have the same class as you? Pick something that you can have a conversation about. Something you’re comfortable and confident about.
“But FYSE!”, you may be saying. “They may just think I’m being friendly! How do I let them know I want to be MORE than friends?”
After you’ve started a conversation just be like “hey here’s my number, we should have dinner/coffee/whateves sometime”. Don’t automatically go home and google them and find their facebook. Don’t call them a million times or get angry if they don’t call you. Let it be so that the ball is in their court and if they’re interested go from there. If you’re the one that gets the number, don’t feel pressured to answer right away. Take your time to decide if you’re comfortable with this.
Now, what if you already have someone in mind and you just want to make sure that they know you’re interested?
- Make sure they’re okay with touching. After you’ve talked a few times and you’ve gotten to know them better just ask if it’s okay if you touch them. If so, to let them know you’re into them you touch them. Keep it casual. Don’t grope them. Don’t spank their butt if you’ve only talked three times and have never touched before. Don’t touch them all the time, just in little ways.
- Smile and laugh. That’s the best way to show someone you enjoy their company.
- Ask them about their life. Don’t talk about yourself so much, and let them know you’re genuinely interested in them and their life.
- Joke with them. Be playful but respect their boundaries. Don’t rely on playground tactics. No flicking or pulling their hair or pushing them into a pool or picking them up. If they say for you to do something (like put me down, stop tickling me) do it and do it now. Go for inside jokes and playful banter. Just make sure they know you’re joking. Don’t use mean jokes.
- Make eye contact!
- Show your best side. Everyone has a favourite feature, bring their attention to that! Bite your lip, play with your hair, touch your neck, cock your hip to one side and put your hands on your hips. Keep your stance open and casual.
Have any other tips you’d like to share? Feel free to comment!
Recently I was in the shopping mall and I happened to hear a conversation between some people discussing their dislike for this black girl’s hairstyle who had just previously walked by. One of them called the girl’s hairstyle “ghetto”, then followed up by saying “I hate when black girls put all them colors in their hair”. It led me to ask this question, what is ghetto really? Because I have seen similar hairstyles with Caucasian women never labeled as ghetto. The word “ghetto” has a negative stigma attached to it and it seems like ghetto has become synonymous for “Black People”.
What determines whether something is Ghetto or not? Why do some people consider one ghetto and not the other? Is being crafty with the supplies available to me ghetto? Is being creative while black unacceptable? Does the price of something determine whether you should consider it ghetto or not? Or maybe I’m wrong…. Please do share your thoughts….
You’re exactly right. Just like when Black people improvise, it’s ghetto, but let a middle-to-upper class white person do it, it’s a lifehack, or being thrifty, or economical, or thinking out of the box, or brilliant, or whatever.
Yes all of this!!
also man, there really should be sooo much more respect for anyone with dark hair that has decided to go lighter/more extreme colors. Do you know how fucking frustrating that is to maintain??? How long it takes to go from straight black to bleach blond to bright green/red/pastel etc without it looking washed out? Well it takes FOREVER, and the dedication is takes to maintain that hair should be admired!!
#Deception star Laz Alonso at the 2013 BET Honors event.
It’s okay to blame a woman in the case of rape if she…
had been wearing a short skirt
was too drunk to give consent
consumed rape drugs
was ‘asking for it’
had already had sex with the other person
was wearing revealing clothing
- was the rapist
GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
The worst thing about the MRAs I see isn’t that they think they’re victims. They could use their privilege to help out men of color and trans* men/ trans* masculine people. But instead they don’t forget about that one woman who rejected them once or the fact that they think they’re entitled to women’s bodies.
I have to add that Jackson Katz is also a white dude, before any of you say something about this being written by a woman or whatever. He’s written a lot about unfair expectations of hegemonic masculinity from a pro-feminist standpoint rather than one claiming feminists are to blame for legitimate problems men may face, which is one of the reasons I like him.
or to appear ‘well-rounded’ or ‘spiritual’ or ‘authentic’ or ‘enlightened’ or ‘hip’ or ‘radical’ (via theanimalnamesofplants)
‘which vegetable wears the strap-on’ is what they’re asking. the answer is all the vegetables.
this is so dumb, magazines aren’t your weight problem, your own mind is for allowing you to compare yourself to them.
Magazines make money from advertisements which purposefully try to make you feel inadequate, so yeah, I’d say they are kind of a problem.
What I always found most disturbing about those magazines issue after issue it was nothing but diet tips, how to “dress better for my body” , makeup tips , and sex tips to “keep my man happy” ( a personal favorite suggested that I eat a donut off of his erect dick. - I’m not wasting the donut. )
WHY? As a woman do these people think that I don’t have any more depth than fucking facial cream? Granted, I love my Olay because I live in Florida and I need SOME SPF on the regular. BUT THAT IS NOT THE END OF MY INTERESTS.
WHY ISN’T THERE A POPULAR WOMAN’S MAGAZINE THAT COVERS *REAL* WOMEN’S ISSUES?